This article assumes you’re a child of God, and old enough to be married. The following are ten reasons why marriage is delayed for some women. While God wants to bless you, there are some things you need to change first.
1) Marriage is an idol
You’ve made marriage out to be an idol, and you love it more than the Creator who established it. Getting married is a fantasy dream come true for you, but it’s rooted in misconceptions about its purpose. If God gave you a husband, you’d probably forget about him, and fall away into the bliss of married life until you awake to the realities and hardships of it.
The shock could lead to divorce and adultery as you seek to fill a void in your soul only God can. Therefore, God holds off from sending you a godly husband until you make the Most High the center of your life and understand the true purpose of marriage.
2) Spirit spouse
Both men and women, at least once in their lifetime, have experienced night time dreams that end in sexual climax. Whether they’re “living holy” or not, dreams like these can plague the Saints. These are demons projecting thoughts into their minds that they must reject. Staying away from sin, and wearing the full armor of God, especially the helmet, prevents these demonic, sexual visitations. But some women enjoy them. It’s a “sweet dream, beautiful nightmare,” as the singer Beyoncé glorifies demon sex in one of her songs; but this is a sin.
Enough acceptance, and longing for these encounters, and these unclean spirits will begin to see you as their spouse. Now you can understand why things never seem to work out with men in the physical world because you entertain demons who’ve claimed you as their wife—you have a spirit husband. God allows this as punishment for engaging in spiritual fornication, instead of living in holiness. You must repent from this activity, reject these visitations, and ask God to cleanse your mind.
3) Your ex-husband is still alive
Jesus taught if a woman is divorced, and her husband is still alive, remarriage is adultery for either spouse getting remarried (Luke 16:18). This is a hard fact about marriage all God’s people need to accept. God views men and women who enter his institution as one flesh for life, no matter if the city or state says they’re no longer married.
A spouse is only free to remarry if the other dies. While there are exceptions to this rule, visit our in-depth study on the subject. If you have an ex-husband, you need to reconcile with him or remain single. God’s not going to send you something that’s going to violate his law and send you to hell.
First of all, I question anybody’s rebirth for practicing this after regeneration, however, Saints still fall into this early in their walk; and they need to repent. Every time you have sex with a man, a part of your soul is exchanged with his. Fornication destroys your soul and body and makes intimacy difficult with your future husband.
God’s not sending you a husband while you’re misusing his body, offending him, and putting yourself in danger of being rejected from his kingdom (1 Corinthians 6:9-10). Again, if you’re doing this habitually, you could be trying to fill a void in your soul only God can. What you must do is repent, reject the spirit of lust, fast, and draw close to the Creator who’s the only person who can satisfy your emptiness.
5) Misconception of a godly man
While you haven’t made marriage an idol, you have misconceptions about it, especially in regards to what a godly husband looks like. Christian Hollywood films and romance novels have done a great job at distorting the image of a “good man.”
The world teaches women that a good man will love, support, protect, provide, worship, and above all, allow you to lead. Basically, you’re in control of the relationship, and he caters to you; this isn’t so with a godly man.
While he will love, support, provide, and protect you, he’s going to lead you too; and he won’t worship you—he already serves the Most High. He’ll tell you what to do, and you won’t always appreciate it, but he’ll expect you to submit to his ordained leadership as he follows Christ.
Because you have a misunderstanding of submission, roles, and the purpose of marriage, God holds off from sending you a godly man until you’ve accepted and embraced the positions he set up. Until that happens, if God sent you a holy man, it would only bring unnecessary conflict to your marriage.
Adding to that, some women believe godly men are supposed to be flawless. But no one is, this is why these men cling to the Holy Spirit and seek to be transformed into the image of Christ (Romans 8:29). Therefore, a godly man will love you with the proper love of God. He’ll provide for you, protect you, but also correct you (which you won’t enjoy at times), but lead you to heaven as you help him fulfill the purposes of God.
The world is full of sin and men don’t love women as they should. Many men have failed at protecting, providing, and leading women. If they lead them, it’s into a ditch, accompanied by a few abandoned children he created. He might’ve been abusive to top it off.
If this has been your experience, while you’d love to have a husband, you’re not ready for one, because you haven’t healed. You haven’t gone to God to mend the cracks in your heart. Without healing, you’ll only hurt the godly man the Lord has for you. So God withholds his blessing until you come to him for full repair.
This happens when a woman’s soul has hardened due to wounds by men, and/or while continuing to accept the negative messages about males through the media. These messages are: men are irresponsible, don’t allow them to lead you into a ditch, and don’t give them control of the relationship, or you’ll be vulnerable to abuse.
After a woman has accepted these lies as fact (about all men), if she’s frequented enough women empowerment meetings, managed a few businesses on her own, and raised children apart from their father for some time, she begins to believe she can live without a man.
While it’s possible for a woman to live independent, is it healthy? Is it the will of God? If this is you, and you still long for a husband, God’s not sending one until you repent. With that off-track mindset, if God gave you a man, you wouldn’t allow him to be one, and you’d both have unnecessary conflict that could lead to divorce.
8) You put your children first
No woman with children, married or not, should make her children a priority over her husband, or husband to be. In the case of children from a previous relationship, making them priority number one turns the new man into a “side piece” for single mothers.
Men are often forbidden from chastising the children, but the child is allowed to disrespect him without correction because “they’re not his kids;” and this goes on even after marriage.
This family arrangement is perverted and reveals the woman’s misunderstanding of God’s roles. If the Lord were to give her a godly man, she’d emasculate him by cutting off his parental rights; and he wouldn’t be the hub of the family because the children took his place.
Truth be told, the mother has really set herself first, then her children and the husband last. On the contrary, that single mother should be realigning herself, and her children, to support and respect the leadership of that future father and husband. This teaches the children that the man is the head, and he has the final authority under God.
9) You have agents in your life
There are people associated with you who claim to love God but are not. They’re preventing you from being married. They don’t love your God as you do, and he can’t bless you until you break fellowship with them. They don’t want you to be happy and start a family.
They ward off godly men and try to convince you that you’re not good enough to be married. They could be family members, close “friends,” church associates, or others you have close contact with; it could even be an ex-boyfriend you haven’t entirely let go. The Holy Spirit will help you determine who these people are, and how to sever the connection so you can be free, and be blessed.
10) You pursue men
There’s nothing wrong with a woman positioning herself to be found by a godly man, but if you pursue him, if you’re initiating dates, if you’re taking numbers, and if you’re calling men, you’re acting like a guy; and this is an abomination. It also shows how desperate you are.
Don’t listen to these women who promote the idea that if women want men, they need to go out and get one. I can assure you, most of these men allowing you to lead the relationship aren’t godly. The scripture says, “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing, and receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22). The verse didn’t say, “she who finds a husband.” God will bring you a husband; you just need to wait.
When I was single, I found the behavior of women who attempted to pursue me to be despicable; and I was never attracted to them. No godly man wants some aggressive woman after him; it makes him feel like a girl.
Pursuing men places you in the position of being rejected by good ones, and taken advantage of by bad ones. With a masculine mindset toward courtship and marriage, God will never send you a husband. You must repent, submit to God, drop your pride, and let him conform you into the image of Christ; then you’ll be eligible for a godly man.
If you’ve been holding on to any of these ideas or practices, the enemy is preventing you from receiving a godly husband—it’s just another tactic of his to destroy your life. You must repent, renew your mind, and allow the word of God to reshape your thinking about men, and a what a godly marriage looks like. God created women for men, so it’s his will that most women be married, but he won’t pair you with a godly man if you’re not living as a godly woman.