In this article, we discuss what sexual intercourse does to the soul, pair bonding, soul ties, and more.
Originally posted 11/23/2010 and updated 05/6/2020
I want to explain what happens during sex. Many of us don’t have a clear understanding of the act of intercourse. Here is what the scriptures seem to reveal about sex:
Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not! (1 Corinthians 6:15)
To be a true so-called Christian is to be apart of Christ. As a member, you make up a part of Christ’s body. Likewise, to have sex with someone is to make yourself a part and a member of them. Like a club, it has many members. Paul is saying: “Should you, after being apart of the club of Jesus, become apart of the club of Harlotry? Certainly not!” The scripture continues:
Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For “the two,” He says, “shall become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him. (1 Corinthians 6:16-17)
The membership that takes place during sex is two ways. The man becomes a member of the woman’s club, and the woman becomes a member of the man’s club. Both come together and they are one flesh.
The “club” is the soul. When you have sex, part of your soul is transferred to the person you have sex with, and you receive a part of them. A fraction of your soul is broken off and exchanged for a portion of your partner’s soul. The soul is made up of the mind, will, and emotions. So, sexual intercourse exchanges the mind, will, and emotions of both participants.
Sex was designed for pleasure, healing, reproduction, and to bring married couples closer together. Sex brings about a union. Other words for union are: coalition, joining, oneness, and club. The Lord does the same with us (he doesn’t have sexual intercourse with us) but he joins himself with us through our obedience. Here’s what the Bible has to say:
Jesus replied: If anyone loves me, they will obey me. Then my Father will love them, and we will come to them and live in them (John 14:23 CEV).
Stay joined to me, and I will stay joined to you … (John 15:4 CEV). There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus … (Romans 8:1)
As you can see from the above scriptures, sex produces the same results as obedience to our Lord Jesus Christ. The result is a “coalition” and a “oneness.” A part of us becomes apart of God, and apart of God becomes apart of us. “But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him” (1 Corinthians 6:17). Likewise, with sex, two souls are joined.
Scattering the soul
I don’t know how much of a person’s soul is actually exchanged through sex, I’m just using fractions to illustrate the reality of sex and fornication as it was revealed to me.
Let’s say I’m a virgin and 100% me. If I have sex with Lisa, now I’ve given her 10% of me. I’m still a whole human being, physically, but my soul is made up of 10% Lisa and 90% me. So, I have 10% of Lisa’s mind, will, and emotions (in whatever condition they may be in). The more I have sex with Lisa, the more of her emotions, will, and mind I’ll get; and vice versa. Perhaps, this is the reason why older married couples think alike.
So now, I’m 90% me and 10% Lisa – assuming Lisa was a virgin too. If Lisa wasn’t a virgin, I would get a portion of Lisa and a portion of Brian (Lisa’s ex-boyfriend). Now I’ve got 5% Lisa and 5% Brian in me. Now, if I have sex with more women – you do the math.
We Belong Together
Sex was made for people who will stay together until death. The soul remains intact as long as the two remain together. Each time a break-up occurs (because people seldom marry and stay with every partner they had sex with), it fractures the soul of both lovers leaving them in spiritual pain (whether they admit it or not).
The pain is real and the soul is actually damaged. Listen to all the love songs about how people feel when their “lovers” leave. Mariah Carey had a song titled “We belong together.” The hook goes like this:
♫ When you left I lost a part of me. It’s still so hard to believe. Come back baby, please. Cause we belong together…
“When you left I lost a part of me.” What Mariah sang was so true, and many people feel like this after a break-up. Although they feel this way, they don’t really understand that a part of their soul was actually removed.
The last part of the verse says, “We belong together.” Mariah longs for that man because a portion of her “essence” is lost away inside of him, and apart of him is with her. Consequently, when you have sex with someone, your soul says, “This person is my spouse, and we belong together.”
God created sex to join people together, and only for people who are committed to staying together within marriage. Sex builds intimacy and a longing to be close to the other because, only together, can both souls be whole. Because of promiscuity, people walk the earth broken inside—they truly have “lost parts of themselves.” Sad. But God never intended for that to be.
In religious circles, they refer to people who have broken-up and share a strong bond as having a “soul tie.” In scientific terms it’s called a “pair-bond.” Soul ties are evident when one person can’t stop longing for the another person even though the relationship is long over.
Soul ties become a problem when these people enter into new relationships. They may not be able to bond with their new partner because that past relationship is still connected. Can these ties be severed? Perhaps, but only through the power of God.
Sex, dominance, and control
Fornication without commitment to marriage is dangerous because you could be hooked up to a terrible person who mistreats you. Apart from their abusive ways, the sexual union you both share can be used to strengthen the control they want over you. The control works long after sexual activity, because, once again, they put their mind, will, and emotions inside you.
You can see examples of this in society where a wife won’t leave an abusive husband, or a man who can’t stop chasing a woman, even though he sees the damage she’s doing to his life, money and image. If you ever heard someone call a man “pussy-whipped” this is the reasoning behind it.
Some men (sadly) are joined to whores, they know it, but can’t seem to leave, or put their foot down about their behavior—this is because that whore has his mind. She can cheat on him constantly, and that poor, manipulated, beat-down man will just accept her excuses, continue with her, and never protest.
As I learned about sexual control over others, I asked myself a question: Why is it that some people fall victim to being controlled by another through sex, yet the other person doesn’t? Both have exchanged a portion of their minds, wills and emotions. Shouldn’t both be able to control each other?
The answer is: Whoever is the most dominant has the power to control the other’s soul through sex. In a patriarchal society, men are dominant and therefore have the upper hand over women sexually. The woman takes on the man’s soul and naturally he dominates her mind, will, and emotions.
In a gynocentric society, men are conditioned to submit to women and therefore most women can be dominant and control men through sex—thus men take on the soul of their women.
Also, the degree to which a person’s soul has hardened along with their conscience being ignored—is how a person can be so callous as to use their sexual influence for evil over their partner.
A man who pursues women strictly for sex (called a “player”) has cut off his emotions and conscience preventing him from getting “caught up” and “in love” with the women he’s using. They can’t control his mind with the thought of love and togetherness, because he cares nothing for these things.
The young virgin or less experienced woman, on the other hand, hasn’t cut off her emotions yet, she’s still naive to the whole “game.” Her soul is still open to love, happiness, and a lasting relationship (something the player will take advantage of). Therefore, she can be manipulated. It works the same in reverse. Whoever has the hardest and most dominant soul won’t fall for the game and most likely can’t be taken advantage of.
The hardening of the soul
The hardening of the soul comes from damage done through fornication. In the player’s case, he lost his ability to “feel” after his “first love” turned out to be a whore who was having sex with his best friend, and every other boy on the block. Now the player does the same to women.
Next, that young girl, after losing her virginity to that player that never loved or intended on marrying her—her soul begins to harden. The pain incurred leads to burying her emotions and conscience deep inside.
Initially, she says to herself, “I’ve been hurt, but if I can just find that true love, this can overwrite the pain and make it all go away;” but it doesn’t work like that. She has been imprinted by the soul of that dominant man and will only be drawn to other men like him. She ends up just giving herself to another guy who is just there to “pump and dump.”
The more fornication is practiced, the more the soul is broken and scattered. Then the callouses are formed. This is the hardening of the soul. It’s like, if you keep scraping your elbow against a rough surface, soon the skin will thicken in the form of a black callous, and the pain won’t be felt as much. This is what people are unknowingly doing to their souls.
Losing the ability to bond
The hormone oxytocin, which is produced during sex, increases levels of empathy and bonding. Women produce more oxytocin during sex than men, which means they are more likely to let their guard down and fall in love with a man after sex.
Oxytocin receptors in the central nervous system regulate the affect of oxytocin on emotions. Oxytocin is like a drug. A woman’s first experience with post intercourse release of oxytocin has a powerful, lasting impact.
Like drug addicts, women with a high “body count” will need more and more sex to get a satisfactory oxytocin high and at some point her receptors stop receiving those post intercourse warm and fuzzy emotions that bond her to her partner.
It seems that God designed women to bond to the men they have sex with, but with broken relationships and casual hook ups, that ability goes away. The body says, “Why continue to release oxytocin when you’re not going to stay with the people you have sex with?” Therefore, sex becomes just a fun thing to do for promiscuous women absent of the bonding process.
A woman who has many past sexual partners will not be able to bond to her husband leading to disloyalty, adultery, comparison with other partners, and perhaps poor raising of her children. This is why wise men avoid marrying prostitutes and women who’ve “played the whore.” Can a woman regain her ability to bond with a man? Maybe, but only through the blood and power of Jesus Christ.
Did you notice that I’ve only mentioned women having this problem. Men were built differently. Can a man lose his ability to bond with women? It’s quite possible, but it may not be due to many sexual partners. Men were made for multiple women.
A man can have multiple marriage covenants, bond with each wife, and it not effect his receptors like a woman. Women were made for men (1 Corinthians 11:8,9, Genesis 2:18) and where only built to bond with one man. The more she has sex with, the less she can bond with.
The story of a woman who “played the whore”
Hi everyone, I posted here for the first time last week, and I just wanted to thank everyone who commented for their insightful and constructive advice. I loved how honest you ladies were with me.
Anyway, I was prompted to write this post after watching Lauren Southern’s “What Every Girl Needs to Hear” video (go watch it if you haven’t already). She discusses how promiscuity has a detrimental effect on a woman’s ability to pair bond with a partner.
To all of my fellow college RPW out there, please, don’t let anyone convince you that you’re missing out by not riding the CC (cock carousel).
Maybe you’re like one of my best friends, who has been in a committed relationship with a great guy for a few years, but you see your friends going out and meeting new guys every weekend and wonder if you should be doing that too, because that’s what modern society dictates college-age women should be doing.
It bothered her so much that she considered asking her boyfriend to open up the relationship, even though they’ve talked about marriage. That’s how brainwashed our generation has become.
As someone whose n-count is in the 20s, I told her, point blank: it’s not worth it. I mentioned in my last post that I have bipolar, and that I am hyper-sexual when I’m manic. This resulted in my count going from 1 to 20+ in a matter of 6 months. All of these were hookups.
9 times out of 10, guys who want to hook up with you DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU. AT ALL. You’re just a plate to them, no matter how nice they seem to be. That’s the best case scenario.
There are also men out there who can seriously hurt you. I was raped by one last year. That just goes to show the kind of people you can come across when you venture into the world of meaningless sex. They have no regard for your feelings, or, in some cases, your personal safety.
Given my high n-count, I feel that sex isn’t as special to me anymore. I have to actively try to feel the connection with my partner, when previously it came naturally and effortlessly. I can still feel it, but it doesn’t feel as strong as it did before.
Also, I can’t help comparing my current partner to all of the partners I’ve had in the past. It keeps me from truly enjoying everything he has to offer.
Don’t sabotage your ability to pair bond just so you can fit in with your blue pill friends. Sex is very important to men (and women, too). For most men, it’s how they feel most connected with their partner. Like men, I also primarily prefer giving and receiving love through physical intimacy, and now I feel like my ability to receive has been compromised. Trust me, you don’t want to be in my shoes.
I know it’s highly unlikely for a woman in this day and age to save herself until marriage or have a count of 1 unless it is in the context of a religious upbringing, but at least try to limit your sexual encounters to men you are in committed relationships with. It’s not just because of retaining your ability to pair bond, or keeping your RMV high, but simply put, sex is better with someone you love and who loves you.
My fellow young RPW, don’t sell yourself short.
Author Unknown (source)
The angry, wounded woman
After the callouses form, many people give up on the possibility of a life of love and happiness. They begin to think that true love doesn’t exist.
Many young women, now, just use sex to control men and get what they want from them. And likewise, the men, use women simply to gratify their spirit of lust. This is terrible. Neither gender cares for the other anymore. In fact, they hate one another.
While women of God have to steer clear of doggish men, this article is directed at men of God. I want to include some more wisdom from Solomon found in Ecclesiastes chapter 7 verse 26:
New King James Version:
And I find more bitter than death The woman whose heart is snares and nets, Whose hands are fetters. He who pleases God shall escape from her, But the sinner shall be trapped by her.
Contemporary English Version:
Here is what I discovered: A bad woman is worse than death. She is a trap, reaching out with body and soul to catch you. But if you obey God, you can escape. If you don’t obey, you are done for.
There are many angry women out there that have been wounded through fornication, they hate all men because of this. They hate their boyfriends who didn’t love them. They hate their fathers for not loving them, being absent, and not protecting them. While they’re responsible for the decisions they made, they now seek revenge.
These women have become hateful, resentful, and beast-like. In the streets, they call women “bitches” (female dogs), but the spider name “black widow” would best fit this growing number of women. The insides of these women are in shreds, and they have lost all morality, femininity, and humanity. What a shame. Look at what the devil has done to these women.
You, as a man of God, didn’t do anything wrong to these venomous creatures, but it doesn’t matter because, in their eyes, all men are evil. You have become the enemy that must be crushed. So, you will discover that when you encounter them, you’ll be slighted, belittled, and lied about even though you did nothing wrong.
Or, instead of mistreatment, these spiders will flatter you with kind words. That pretty, shapely woman will smile and entice you to have sex with her. She’ll pretend to adore you, but she really hates you. Just know that she’s trying to victimize you, control your mind, and kill your soul; and if she could get away with physical murder, she would do that too.
She hates all men. The devil has formed the perfect tool to kill you—a wounded, angry, sexy woman, who uses her body and soul to destroy. They’re out there. Many of them are in the church. Many are on the streets. Be warned. Guard your thoughts and obey Christ!
Other people’s problems
The soul also houses sin and demons. So, through fornication, you’re more inclined to commit the same sins, and contract the same demons your partners have. This is why God commanded Israel not to join with the foreign women. All the surrounding nations served false gods. With all false gods, there are demons behind them.
Those foreign women had joined their souls to these unclean spirits through worship. Therefore, to get involved with those foreign women would lead to the same. If you read any part of the Old Testament, you’ll see the results of Israel’s rebellion. Demons are whole beings (corrupted personalities), and not fragments of a soul. It’s enough to deal with your own demons, but to deal with someone else’s becomes a huge problem.
So you can see why fornication is detrimental and why marrying the right person is so important. You can also understand why God says not to have sex with animals. Who wants to have a portion of the mind, will, and emotions of a beast in them? We should only join ourselves to people who have joined themselves to Jesus Christ through obedience. To join with any other group of people, outside of the Holy God, will bring serious consequences.
The physical side of sex
We all know what goes on here: body fluids are exchanged and semen is transferred. The problem with fornication is that every person’s body is different, and through sexual contact, unique organisms meet. The body has to handle this encounter and adapt and/or destroy these different organisms.
Too many encounters with too many different people, and the body gets overwhelmed and infected. This is where sexually transmitted diseases come from. A man’s semen shouldn’t be in another man’s body and a human shouldn’t have intercourse with an animal. The body’s response to this is, “Woe, what the hell is going on!”
STDs are not the judgment of God. All these diseases are simply the human body’s reaction to what it wasn’t made for. The body wasn’t made to join with multiple people, the same sex, and especially animals.
Fornication is like drinking polluted water, the soul and body’s natural response will be infection and sickness. God didn’t bring judgment in the form of a STD, it was the body’s natural reaction to the foreign substance.
God tells us to abstain from sex until we’re married for our own benefit, not to cut off our fun. The body simply wasn’t made for fornication. God is trying to save us from all this drama, but we keep sticking the fork into the electrical socket.
Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. (1 Corinthians 6:18)