In this part, we expose the deception behind being “sexy,” and provide a woman’s guide to how to attract a godly man for marriage.
The devil is selling a third lie to women that states, “Your womanhood is contingent upon how many men are sexually attracted to you.” Whether single or married, young or old, Satan is getting women to believe this lie.
This lie is slightly different from the last one that attacks a woman’s natural beauty by implying it doesn’t exist or that it’s not sufficient.
This third deception goes after a woman’s confidence, self-worth, and her marital future. She’s led to believe that the more men who give her attention, pursue her, lust after her, and express romantic interest in her equates to how valuable she is. So naturally, the less attention she receives, the less of a woman she’s supposed to feel.
Men are sold a similar lie that says their level of manhood is connected to how many women they have sex with. Of course, the truth is: manhood and womanhood is based upon maturity, regeneration, and being filled with the Spirit of God.
More importantly, all of humanity is valuable in God’s sight, which is why he sent his son to save us from our sins (John 3:16). So there’s no need to prove our value to anyone; but, of course, most people don’t know this.
While it’s important for women to present themselves in an appealing way to attract a man for future marriage, the devil has taken the initiative to teach women how to do that; and that’s in being “sexy.”
Being sexy includes seductive and lewd behavior, heavy makeup, and revealing clothing. Any combination of these tactics and a woman can reel in most men.
Kim Kardashian is a prime example of how the enemy sells this idea that sexiness is power and the peak of femininity.
Here’s a woman that rose to fame from a sex tape. She wasn’t a singer, musician, dancer, or an actress. No. The only talent she had was being gorgeous and whoring with celebrity men.
Now, she’s turned that publicity into a business by selling a false image of womanhood through her clothing line and reality TV series.
Her life is one big distraction as she garners attention from the masses. Many young girls want to be like her and many men wish they could have her.
The downsides of being sexy
Of course, there’s a ton of side effects to being sexy that I want to address before I show women how to attract a godly man correctly; here’s a few:
Because women are already attractive, dressing like a whore or a stripper is only going to open up the floodgates of unwanted attention from many undesirable men, and sometimes, lesbians! Lewd comments and harassment will come her way, and most of it could be avoided if she’d just dress modestly.
Causing men to stumble
All this public nudity and revealing clothing today contributes to the overall pollution of insatiable lust in the air. It leads men to view pornography, pursue adulterous relationships, and act like dogs.
Everywhere they turn, there’s another butt on display, a pair of breast, and some thighs. Yoga pants, short-shorts, higher-heeled shoes, and cleavage are degrading men’s minds and feeding the spirit of lust. Sexiness is a definite stumbling block for men who are not walking in the power of the Holy Spirit.
Addiction to attention
Some women become addicted to the attention. They go so far as to lead unsuspecting men into thinking they have a chance when there’s rarely not. It’s not a relationship she wants from them, rather their minds so that she can feel like a goddess.
She keeps a stable of men like this around to validate her womanhood and maintain a steady flow of praise and favors. She rarely gives anything in return.
When these pawns men get too close, they’re rejected. These kinds of ladies have wasted plenty of men’s time leading some to become “players” who go on to hurt women in a similar way.
In the midst of all the dating invitations from men, there are some guys she’s actually attracted to, but because she’s dressed immodestly and projecting sexuality, that’s all the man is thinking of doing with her; but he won’t tell her that.
So he plays it cool, pretends he wants a relationship, says all the right things, and after he gets what he wants, he leaves the woman confused, hurt, and angry. What that man did was wrong, but being sexy is not for the public eye, it only incites sexual desire in men who only want to do one thing.
Wounds and she-devils
The result can often be a wounded woman that will not heal without the power of the Holy Spirit. She’ll go on to have problems in every relationship with men because she thought womanhood was about being sexy.
If she gets married, she’ll use sex as a tool to control her husband seeing how it worked on men when she was single. Or, she won’t ever get married because she hates men and seeks to destroy them all because of what a few no-good men did to her.
It’s amazing how these females will usually target “good men”—men who aren’t abusive or out just for sex. They know these men won’t retaliate after being grossly mistreated by them.
So these ladies become tools of Satan (driven by their emotions) to make more abuse victims. And as expected, some of these good guys get fed up with being hurt, and become men who only see women as sexual objects; and so the cycle continues.
Oh, what devastation Satan has caused to both genders! He’s created divisions that leave children without fathers, and adults single and broken. And all because of sexiness.
How to get a godly man
So if being sexy is a disastrous route to take, how does a woman attract a godly man for marriage? There are five things she must be:
- She must be born again.
- She must be pursuing the kingdom.
- She must exhibit a genuine love of God.
- She must be led by the Spirit.
- She must be waiting on her husband.
So when that godly man comes, what will he look like? Here are five similar attributes:
- He’s born again.
- He’s pursuing the kingdom.
- He exhibits a genuine love of God.
- He’s led by the Spirit.
- He pursues her and leads her.
As you can see, God is at the hub of each one’s life, and his kingdom is their focus. Seeking the kingdom of God is all about learning to live the way the King intended for his citizens (Matthew 6:33). We learn the “kingdom life” by studying the Bible with the help of his Holy Spirit—and it’s a lifelong process.
Because the man and woman have been born again, they exhibit the true love of God. True love is not rooted in emotions, rather the moral character of God himself. With true love as the foundation, their future marriage is destined to succeed.
When you add being led by the Spirit to the fourth point, we can be sure God will bring the best man to her and vice versa. Godly women don’t have to worry about picking the wrong man. If she relies on the Holy Spirit, he’ll shield her from getting hurt, and lead her to a godly husband.
So, I can’t tell women where to find good men because God will bring them to you and lead you to the right place for him to meet you.
I can’t tell women how to dress because that’s based on the conviction of the Holy Spirit. However, the scriptures do say to be modest and make meekness and quietness your highlights (1 Peter 3:3-4).
The last point is the only difference out of the five: the man pursues the woman. If a woman wants a godly man, she must wait for him to come to her.
She mustn’t be out initiating dates and directing the relationship. The scriptures are clear, “He who finds a wife…” not “she” (Proverbs 18:22). Pursuing a godly man is a sure way to repel him.
If a woman is truly embracing the kingdom of God, she’ll also understand her role and follow his lead instead of the other way around.
Getting married: How it works
First off, the children of God don’t date like the world. The world treats the opposite gender like a sexual playground to explore before they decide to settle down. Premarital sex is fornication and fornication is a sin that shouldn’t be mentioned among the Saints.
Contrarily, the people of God date to marry. If those dates go well, they enter the courting phase, then engagement, and then marriage.
The dating phase is designed to determine if both mutually agree that they could see each other as a spouse. After a number of dates, and there’s a mutual agreement, both should enter a courtship.
The courting phase says they’re exclusively learning who each other is for marriage. It doesn’t mean they will get married but that’s the intent of the exclusive relationship. At any time, either person can call off the courtship and return to dating other people. It’s in courtship that they draw closer, and learn more about their potential spouse.
If they mutually agree that the Lord is putting them together after some time, the man proposes, the woman accepts, and they enter the engagement period. It’s during this time they prepare for the wedding and go over any finer details regarding their future together. If they’re no objections, they get married.
While Satan has destroyed the lives of many women through deception, God can restore and form new relationships. God created women to help men fulfill their roles in the kingdom of God. Therefore, most women were made to be wives, and it’s never too late to become one.