In this sermon, I explain ten rules every godly patriarch should remember in order to rule his wife and family well.

Listen to this message as you read to get the full context.

God said in Genesis 3:16, to “rule over her.” And in Ephesians 5:22 he commands women to submit to their husbands. The order between the sexes is one of dominance and submission. Today, we talk about how to be dominant and be the king of your castle.

The King James dictionary defines “rule” as the following:

  • RULE, n. L. regula, from rego, to govern, that is, to stretch, strain or make straight.
  • Government; sway; empire; control; supreme command or authority.
  • That which is established as a principle, standard or directory; that by which any thing is to be adjusted or regulated, or to which it is to be conformed; that which is settled by authority or custom for guidance and direction.
  • To govern; to control the will and actions of others, either by arbitrary power and authority, or by established laws.

In thinking about this definition in relation to a wife or women in general, a female must be molded to fit her husband and carry out the stewardship of his affairs.

What does dominate mean? Domination is closely related to ruling as well. The definition of dominate is as follows: Power to direct, control, use and dispose of at pleasure; right of possession and use without being accountable.

Note: In the above definition, godly men would be accountable to other men and especially God and they can’t simply “dispose” of their wives.

With those few definitions, here are ten rules a godly patriarch should follow to be a successful leader of his home.

1. Rule with the love of God

Ephesians 5:25-33 instructs husbands to love their wives. Since there’s a lot to discuss regarding how this love looks, I have dedicated a complete sermon to how husbands ought to love their wives according to the Scriptures.

2. Respect and maintain the hierarchy

Ref: Genesis 2:18, 1 Corinthians 11:3,8,9. The hierarchy is:

  • Christ over man, man over woman.
  • God dominates men, men dominate women.
  • Patriarchs love the Lord and serve him.
  • Wives love the Lord and serve their husbands.
  • Wives please God by submission to their husbands.
  • She must serve you. She was made to help you.
  • Don’t cater to women. Women should be catering to you.
  • Women are not equal to men.
  • Women must submit to their husbands (Eph 5:22, Col 3:18)

3. Strength comes from the top on down

Men, don’t cry on her shoulder about your problems, failures, and weaknesses.

  • Reveal your weakness to God, and he’ll strengthen you. Cry on God’s shoulder.
  • You get your strength from God NOT her.
  • She gets her strength from YOU and God. She cries on your shoulder.

4. She depends on you

  • Women must depend on men.
  • Do not support an independent woman.
  • Don’t teach your daughter to be independent, this is dysfunctional and masculine.

5. Stay on your purpose

  • Value yourself, your time, and your mission.
  • She must respect you, your time, and your mission.
  • She must not be allowed to derail your mission.
  • She should be helping you fullfill your mission.
  • She should be adding value to your life, not subtracting from your life.

6. Train her

  • Communicate directly and clearly.
  • Leave no room for misinterpretation.
  • There must be consequences for poor performance and disobedience.
  • Hold her accountable.
  • There should be rewards for excellent service.
  • If she threatens to leave, never be afraid to lose a woman who doesn’t want to be a wife.
  • You control sex. She doesn’t tell you what she will and won’t do, and when.

7. Don’t gossip and be fair among your wives

  • Never gossip about your wife to your other wives.
  • Don’t neglect one wife for another.
  • Don’t be the origin of drama in your family.

8. Keep your children in their place

  • You set the course for your children and she carries out your plans.
  • Never utter the words, “Go ask your mother.” You are the head of the family, not your wife.
  • Capable children must come and ask you for permission.
  • Don’t let your wife put your kids before you.
  • Don’t let your older children sleep in your bed.

9. Practice self-control 

A godly patriarch doesn’t allow himself to be controlled by sex, his appetite, or his emotions.

10. Stay in control

  • You make all the major and final decisions.
  • Show her you’re dead serious about your decisions.
  • Make no apologies, defend or explain yourself if it’s not necessary.
  • Don’t argue with her – that’s like arguing with a child.
  • Never change anything about yourself you don’t want to.
  • Tell her NO without hesitation.
  • Don’t let her ruin your mood or day.
  • Don’t let her piss you off or let it show that you’re pissed off.

These are the rules. Remember: you’re combatting Satanic gynocentric influence from outside and the curse of Eve from within her. Some people will say you’re strict and may even claim you’re abusive, but stay strong in the Lord. You’re staying strong to keep your family safe and to reach your destination in Christ.

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