While deception and betrayal is wrong, a man’s exclusivity to one woman is not a godly concept. The Creator never limited a man to one woman.
Infidelity is a violation of a couple’s assumed or stated contract regarding emotional and/or sexual exclusivity. Infidelity is also called: cheating, straying, adultery (when married), being unfaithful or having an affair. Cheating could include flirting, viewing porn or sexual contact with another woman.
Note: To all the ladies who’ve emailed me about your husband’s infidelity, I understand your pain and I sympathize. He betrayed your trust, and was dishonest about his dealings with other women. However, brace yourself, because what I’m about to share may add to the pain but give you insight into male nature.
Common reasons “they say” men cheat
- No self-control
- Filled with the “spirit of lust”
- Dissatisfaction with his current woman
- Greed. He desired another woman
- Society stimulates his sexual appetite
- He’s not getting enough sex when and how he wants it
The number one biblical reason
Men were not created to be monogamous. God supports polygyny. Men lead the charge in “being fruitful and multiplying” on the earth (Genesis 1:22, 28; 9:1; 35:11). Men are hard-wired to desire sexual pleasure, variety, and children. It’s God’s will for men to marry as many women they can take care of.
Note: I’m not promoting polygyny, I’m simply stating that men shouldn’t submit to forced monogamy because God doesn’t command men to be monogamous. A godly man can start with one wife and if he so chooses to have another he should be able to without scrutiny and shaming.
God never commanded men to pledge their emotional or sexual exclusivity to one woman. Nor does godly marriage require a man’s sexual and emotional exclusivity to his wife. However, wives were created to be monogamous and therefore exclusive to their husbands.
Ultimately, God does care that husbands remain faithful to any marriage covenants they make with one or more of their wives; and avoid divorce (Malachi 2:14-16).
Why do women want exclusivity?
Note: you don’t have to label yourself a feminist to hold feminist beliefs.
Because of the false doctrines of feminism, many women believe they are equal to men; and the standards for women apply to men too. Women have projected their natural exclusivity onto to their boyfriends and husbands.
Also, the curse of Eve is being supported by feminism. God said that Eve would “desire” her husband (ref). This meant she’d want to possess him, control him, and even want to be like him.
Women want exclusivity because it fulfills the lust to have a man all to herself. But the Bible says women were made for men (1 Corinthians 11:8-9). Women are the property of their fathers and husbands.
Why does monogamy exist?
Prescriptive monogamy is a weapon of Satan designed to steal, control, and defeat humanity. It causes at least 5 problems:
- Causes breakups and ends marriages
- Hurts women
- Shames and hurts men
- Limits the population’s growth
- Limits wealth among patriarchs
What can godly men and women do about this?
What women can do:
- Accept men’s nature. Don’t suppress it.
- Don’t require exclusivity rather honesty and faithfulness to your marriage.
- Stop feeling jealous and possessive.
- Stop obsessing over his phone and whereabouts.
- Stop scolding him for flirting with or browsing other women.
- Remember: You are exclusive to him. He isn’t exclusive to you (1 Cor 11:8-9).
- Be attractive, helpful, and cooperative.
What men can do:
- Accept your nature.
- Don’t pledge exclusivity to your wife.
- Tell your wife the truth about your desires for other women.
- Date, court, and marry more wives instead of fornicating.
- Don’t marry under the state, create your own contract with your wives.
- Be careful about state laws that affect polygamous families.
- Only take on wives you can care for.